12- MARIANNE GARGOUR: Gargour has studied art in many different places. She attended summer sessions at Georgetown University in 1988 and 1991. She studied limestone sculpting, and landscape and figure painting at Cleveland Institute of Art in Lacoste, France, 1990 and 1991. She earned her BA at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, 1987-91. She studied at Washington Studio School, American University, and the Corcoran School of the Arts in Washington, DC in 1992. She sculpted at the Art Students League, New York in 1993, attended the New York Studio School in 1994, and earned a Masters degree in painting from the Parsons School of the Arts and Design, 1992-94. In 1995 Gargour had a solo exhibition at Galerie La Reise in Washington, DC. She currently teaches art at schools, through the Museum of Children's Art in Oakland, California.

13- AFAF ZUREIK: Born in Lebanon 1948 . Works and lives in Washington . She stated: ”In my recent paintings, I used the woods to explore, through darkness and light, the contradictory sensations of connectedness and isolation, loss of home and self, abandonment and isolation were the dominant themes of the series on recollections.

14- NAWAL ABDULLAH: Born in Amman in 1951. works and lives in Jordan. I paint in abstract to free my spirit, abstract to me equals spirituality. It is my quest for a higher dimension of consciousness. The unfamiliar yet sometimes very familiar visions that come by unconsciously through my colors and splashes of paint are somehow prophetic of my life.

15- GHADA DAHDALEH:  Born in Amman in 1963. Works and lives in Jordan. Her paintings. "Doors and Windows" does not represent a neutral choice of symbols. Consciously or unconsciously she crystallizes and enumerates within her work the entire symbolic baggage of the people of Palestine, its strength, long lastingness, authenticity and inescapable reality.

16- LAYLA MURAYWID: Born in Damascus in 1956. Works and lives in France. Contrast is characteristic of Muraywid's visual laboratory. It is what remains of an experimental language which she has been using since she discovered in her self a passion for binary graphic arts: black and white, white and black. as she goes from the maximum "clarity" to the absolute "obscurity" of a sensitivity which is conceptual and transcendent.

17- Mona Saudi: Born in Amman in 1945. Sculptor who works and lives in Lebanon and Jordan. Mona's work is resolutely singular, taking root in a land, a culture and a mode of being, feeling, thinking or acting, but it is also resolutely universal, open to the winds and also of course, to all the various geometries of the spirit.

18- Rula Shukairy: Born in Amman in 1957. Works and lives in Jordan. For Rula painting is both a total involvement of one's being and an instrument of knowledge. “If she creates form which one feels to be new even though she has plucked them from the limbo of time, this is because she finds unsatisfactory the forms which have been handed down through the ages. She does not evolve she travels... but she does so with her eyes closed the better to loose her self in the realm of the indecipherable.” Noel Favreliere.

19-SAMIA HALABI: De Lafayette wrote: “Professor Samia  Halabi is The Matriarch of Abstract Art of the Arab World and the Dean of All Middle Eastern Artists.” See her painting in Our Monthly “Feature Article”. This is what she had to say about her art: “The geometry of medieval Arabic abstraction in combination with the abstraction of twentieth century Constructivism is the basis of my work. In recent years I have found great inspiration in the soft abstraction of a few paintings by Maria Ender executed in Leningrad during the mid-twenties. Ender was a young student when these works were executed. I have seen them in exhibitions and reproduced in books.  What is difficult in this soft painterly abstraction is to avoid creating pointillist landscapes while maintaining the freedom of the brush mark from the creation of shape. In the narrow area between the two historical brackets, I have discovered a world of expression consisting of the rhythms and general principles of motion one sees in the world around us -- both the world of nature as well as the human part of it. For example, I see similar principles at work in the movement of crowds of people as in the movement of leaves in the wind as in the turbulence patterns in water and I try to capture these principles in my paintings. My understanding of these general principles and my search for abstraction is illuminated by my studies of medieval Arabic abstraction.  Contrary to the first paragraph in the essay on my work in the book, Al-Quds (Jerusalem) is not "only a memory." There is now still our Arab Al-Quds. Its artistic crown, The Dome of The Rock, is still an inspiration in my work. And although Israelis have the power to prevent me from living in the city of my birth, I have visited it often in my adult life and I will do so again and again. I have made many paintings based on studies of the Dome of The Rock. It is a living reality which we seek to protect.  My wonderful memory of Al-Quds has nothing to do with European concepts of ethnic disharmony. When I described my memories which are partially quoted in the first paragraph in the chapter on my work, I described both the beauty of my childhood community and the disgust I feel at Israelis who steal our lands and homes and culture. I feel no guilt or shame in telling this truth which should not be hidden no matter how frightening it may be to some. How will we be judged by history if we fear to tell it?”

20- SALWA ZEIDAN: Read the art review of her work in this issue. Art Section.

The magical chandelier

MYTH, FICTION OR REALITY? YOU FIGURE IT OUT! Dear Erica; I read your response about the mysticism and magical powers of ancient Armenians. I am interested in learning more about the magical power of the chandelier of the Armenian church you wrote about. An Armenian friend of mine told me that this chandelier really cure diseases. It is a myth or a reality? David Baker, New Orleans, Louisiana, USA .

Katchkars.

Just under the dome of Guyaneh church, there is an iron chandelier (designed as a ring of doves) that occupies an honorable place in the history of Armenian religious folklore and traditions of Christian Armenia. Legend has it that the center point directly located below the dome of the church that coincides with the center of the iron chandelier is the location where a stream of bright light taking the shape of a cross appeared to Grigor in his visions. The light emanating from that center revealed to Grigor the exact  location of Guyaneh's relics. The legend ads the apparition of another bright white light which emerged from the location where Hripsimeh was buried situated directly below  the center of the dome.

 That center point is believed by church workers and artisans to possess healing powers capable of curing diseases and illnesses. They ascertained that many terminally ill patients and church’s visitors who had seizures and incurable diseases were cured instantly upon passing under the chandelier. Others who are less than believers claimed that indeed, they did feel  a sort of energy beams slightly touching their bodies upon standing for a few seconds directly under the chandelier. Believe it or not! The same thing goes for the Katchkars. The older Armenian generation firmly believes that those carved stones possess an enormous healing power granted by God himself. The earliest examples from the ninth, tenth and eleventh centuries are usually sober and rigid in their design, yet often elegant in execution. The cross is always framed by an elaborate  and sophisticated carving band and sometimes surmounted by an arch, typically Armenian. This very arch architectural design will one day influence the European architecture of cathedrals, basilicas, churches, palaces and courts. The carved stones were characterized by small carved circles which were placed at the corners of the concave ends of each of the four arms of the cross in a very symbolic composition. Those circles represented the directions and zone of the wind and forces of the earth. Later in time, alchemists will interpret this architectural composition as and esoteric enlightenment map or gateway. Leaves sprout upwards from each side of the base of the cross of a khachkar represent life and the energy of the universe through faith in the Savior. The cross of the Crucifixion was thought to be made from the Tree of Life. Later in history, the Cathars and the Templars will add more esoteric and metaphysical interpretation to its divine power. The Crusaders adopted a varied form of the Armenian Cross and placed it on their shields, armors and robes. They strongly believed that the carved Cross had supra powers.

THE REAL MATA HARI POST CARDS. Dear Ms. Erica: Can you tell me if these two post cards are real. As you already know, they belong to the famous woman of cause celebre, Mata Hari. I bought them in France in 1973 for big time money. I paid $9,000 for the one which is tinted in yellow. A gentleman at a famous auction house told me the current value of this very rare post card ranges between $10,000 and $15,000. Do you think so? Eleni Rosenstein, Maryland, USA  .

You are lucky. They are the real McCoy. They are real! The one on the left was sold in 1965 to a Turkish retired general for $20,000. The one on the right was re-purchased by a Japanese art collector in 1983. He paid almost $30,000 for it!

IS IT ON THE FACE, IN THE FACE OR BEHIND IT? MODERN AMERICAN CABARET SINGERS VERSUS GONE-BY ERA AMERICAN CABARET SINGERS.

CAN WE TRUST TODAY’S AMERICAN CABARET SINGERS? DO THEY HAVE A SINCERE FACE? I love what Maximillien de Lafayette wrote: " The world changes constantly. Everything in life changes except organized religion because it is a myth, because it is a poison when churches officials lose their love and caring for their believers and parish members. Art is similar. Art does not change, only its visual expression does. And if art losses its essence, then fake artists will inherit the kingdom of creativity. I used to be a vicar. Today, I am a stage director. Two fields I respect and fear. Religion and art because they are the stimulus of human curiosity, happiness and failure. Another aspect of change in life frightens me. And this is age. Because our real constant enemy who haunts our days and nights is the shadow of time. With time, we age, we become old and our strength and beauty betray us. How true this is when we go back in time and in space to the theater and world of entertainment of the early days of musicals, cabaret, variety show and even burlesques. An enormous difference of stage make-up (maquillage) defines two different worlds in the universe of entertainment and music. Yet, they are the same worlds. We look at the early American stage performers and cabaret entertainers of the early days of American music and stage and we wonder, why those female artists look so differently today from contemporary artists who embraced the same trade. Is it true that cabaret artists of the twenties, thirties and forties are completely different in spirit, theatrical and musical talent, personality projection and mission from the twenty and twenty first centuries artists?" What I believe is this: Apparently, they are. But the most striking difference is in their faces. Is it on the face, in the face or behind it, where the predominant difference in style and talent resides? Why did American musicals and cabaret performers faces changed so much? Is it the make-up? The hair-do? The genetic change in the form, size and shape of our female artists faces? I do not know. But one think is sure. American female cabaret artists changed in form and in substance. Modern American female artists became arrogant, profits motivated, disturbingly aggressive and above all, selfish.

So, as I see it, it is NOT the make-up but, rather the attitude and the motivation (s) that altered the face of our modern time artists. Do we have today, a specimen or a proto-type or a stereotype of a female cabaret artist in New York, Chicago, California or Las Vegas? Does Barbara Cook represent the old style stage and musicals authentic and traditional performer of the old great days of music and entertainment? Do Carole Burnett, Julie Andrews, Bette Middler, Barbra Streisand, Anna Bergman, Amanda McBroom, Anne Kerry Ford, Baby Jane Dexter, Andrea Marcovicci, Rita Moreno, represent the new wave of contemporary artists transcending the barrier of time and traditionalism in the world of entertainment? Do they have and or carry on their shoulders, the old face of the early glorious days of American world of entertainment, or do they go with the flow and don’t care?  CAN WE TRUST TODAY’S AMERICAN CABARET SINGERS? DO THEY HAVE A SINCERE FACE? Do they think about it? Do they give a damned thing about it? Are they sincere? Can we trust them? Can we really trust their facial expressions? John Panayoti, Los Angeles, California, USA.

OK John, my answer to you comes in one single sentence: Faces do not change. Expressions do not change. Life does not change. What changes is “how we look at things and how we interpret them to meet our needs.”

I NEED TO SELL MY ART! I AM GETTING SO FRUSTRATED.  I think Erica, I am going to stop painting. There are so many artists on the market. Somebody told me there are more then one million websites for artists and illustrators. I am wondering how am I going to make a living with those people competing against each other. Not enough room. Something else, how to get a show? Where to sell the work. It is a tough market. I don’t know where to star? Any advice? Please. Graig Athanasiades, Nicosia, Cyprus

Don’t give up! Never! Ever! I wrote about this subject, very long time ago. Obviously Graig, you did not read the article. Here are the advice and directions, I usually give to new artists. First of all, try not to get more frustrated. Thousands of artists around the globe had similar unhappy experiences. It is tough. The art business and art market are unpredictable. There is an international art crisis. Few are buying arts. The sales of auctioned art in Europe dropped 78%. In the United States it is even worth! So be optimistic, hang on, you are going to make it financially. Alright, listen to me. Have you tried any or some of those ideas or strategies I am listing here below ? Try all of them. It might work. I wish you all the best. Do not give up. Do not go back to New York to work like a waiter. Hang on. You will make it. Keep writing to me. Now, read this: 1-Join a reputable art organization with links to or contact with national and international exhibitions, art conventions and periodical shows. 2-Do networking. 3-Attend exhibitions and shows of well-established artists and make sure that your business cards are handy and ready for a “discreet” distribution. 4-Write personal letters of respect and admiration to famous artists. Try to obtain their respect and friendship. 5-Donate some of your artwork to fundraising events organized by distinguished charities and non profit organizations. Thousands will hear about you. 6-Donate some of your paintings to public libraries. Start with your local library. They will hang your work and thousands will see it. 7-Give some of your time, participate in free art classes and teaching sessions for children where you live. The community will be grateful and people will talk about you.

Their parents, teachers and friends will hear about your name. 8-Make greeting cards and postcards and mail them to people you know and don’t know. 9-Name some of your paintings after famous stars and let them know about it. 10-Participate in local and regional art debates, forums and discussions. 11-Try to be warm toward and friendly with everybody. Start with members of your worship place, your priest, your rabbi, the garbage collector, the bartenders, the police officer, the weather men or woman, in short…everybody…be optimistic, be strong, be stronger than life! 12-Never, ever attach a price tag to your paintings! 13-Regurlarly read our section “World Art News”. 14-If possible, write an art column or a small article in local publications, start with friends newsletters, websites, your neighborhood gazette. If for a while, you cannot be the star of the film, so for God’s sake accept the role of an extra, as long as you are on stage!….just be there…make noise!  

Persistent Rumors About the Tragic Death of Grace Kelly. Who Killed her? The Mafia or Her Daughter? Dear Erica: People are still talking about how Grace Kelly was killed. Some rumors persist that the Mafia killed her because she cancelled one of their gambling licenses in the casinos of Monte Carlo. Other gossips have it that her daughter was at the wheel and she crashed the car. Which version is more realistic than the other? Ismael Habacha, Nigeria

In 2002, the BBC news agency reported that Princess Stephanie of Monaco has broken her silence over the car crash which killed her mother Princess Grace 20 years ago. In an interview with the French magazine Paris Match, she said that despite persistent rumors to the contrary, it was her mother who was at the wheel of the car when the accident happened, not herself. Princess Stephanie and her mother, the former Oscar-winning actress Grace Kelly, were traveling together in the countryside near Monaco on 13 September 1982 when their car plunged down a steep slope. Princess Grace died the next day, while 17-year-old Stephanie sustained multiple injuries. Despite doctors' reports that Grace suffered a huge brain hemorrhage which caused her to momentarily lose control of the car, Stephanie has been plagued by rumors that she was in some way to blame for the crash. Persistent allegations that she was the driver, or that the two were arguing heatedly over Stephanie's plans to marry her then-boyfriend, Paul Belmondo, son of French film star Jean-Paul Belmondo, have led her to speak out. I was not driving, that's clear," she told the magazine, adding that she slammed the automatic gearbox into park from the passenger seat and pulled on the handbrake in a vain attempt to stop the car. "Did my mother mix up the accelerator with the brake pedal? I don't know," she said. "But I wasn't driving". Stephanie refused to say what she and her mother were talking about at the time of the accident, saying the conversation was strictly between the two of them. Princess Stephanie, whose turbulent private life has often provided column inches in gossip magazines, said she still suffered from emotional trauma caused by her mother's death. She said she was speaking out about the accident now, 20 years later, because she "couldn't take it anymore". "When I read in the newspapers that I killed my mother, it is simply horrible," she said. "Let my mother rest in peace - let me live." She said she could not feel guilty as she had nothing to reproach herself for, "except that I am still here and have survived." 

That is the official version of Princess Stephanie. The Mafia story? I am not sure! However, the possibility is there but I have no proof.

Princess Stephanie, Grace Kelly daughter, still traumatized.

Actress Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier III of Monaco.

Who Killed Princess Diana? Dear Erica: Important personalities don’t die normally. There is always a cover up. Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Princess Diana were killed! But were are the witnesses? Princess Diana death  is an event we will all remember. Years from now, when somebody asks, "Where were you when you heard that Diana was dead?", we will remember the place. Perhaps even more than the first Kennedy Assassination, this was The first person I spoke to after I heard the news said: "This was not an accident. Prince Charles has killed her."

What do you think? I disagreed. I did not think that Prince Charles has killed her. This led me to compose a list of people who might have wanted to kill Princess Diana. It is a long list. Unfortunately, it must be said that many people will be better off with Diana dead. Hardly anybody benefited with her alive, except for the photographers who made a living by selling pictures of her, the very people who will be charged with her death. When she extorted tens of millions of dollars out of the British Royal Family in return for agreeing to divorce Prince Charles, it occurred to me that any woman who does that (and there are many who do) places herself in a position where it is financially advantageous to have her bumped off. I wonder if that thought ever crossed Diana's mind. There are so many thousands of people who might have wanted to kill Diana that it would be impossible to compose a complete list. They range from Queen Elizabeth (who is probably the happiest to see her gone) down to the lowest punk rock star who might have believed that Diana gets all the publicity, depriving others of their fair chance at fame. When the shock wears off, Diana will not be well or kindly remembered. Diana Spencer was born to great wealth, the daughter of one of the richest men in England. She acquired a taste for the most expensive clothing and the finest jewelry early in life. She needed to marry an extremely rich man in order to support her life style. To marry Prince Charles, she was medically tested and examined by a doctor and proven to be a virgin at age 19, but women who manage to hang on to their virginity until marriage often try to make up for that later on. Diana gladly accepted a million dollars to go on world wide television and tell that she had committed adultery, if only to get even with her philandering husband. In the last days of her life, Diana was photographed cavorting semi-naked with a Egyptian man, a fat, obese, playboy known for dating beautiful movie stars from Brooke Shields on down, a man with no positive qualities except for the fact that he happened to be the heir to one billion dollars.

This finally made it obvious what many had long suspected, that Diana would go with any man, provided that he had enough money. By all accounts, Prince Charles had not laid a finger on Diana for at least five or ten years. Prince Charles had long ago lost interest in her and could not have cared less who or what she screwed. He was probably just as happy to have some man take her off his hands. However, for her to be seen with this particular type of man, an extremely wealthy, stupid looking, fat guy, whose big deal in life was to publicly bed famous women and who obviously viewed Diana as his biggest score of all, must have been galling. Here is the start of a list of people who might have killed Diana: 1. Prince Charles killed her, for obvious reasons. 2. Queen Elizabeth killed her, if only to save the millions of pounds which she was having to pay to Diana just to go away. 3. Almost any member of the British Royal Family or any admirer of the British Royal Family killed her. 4. A Member of Parliament killed her to save taxpayer's pounds. 5. The seven photographers who were chasing her on motorcycles at the time of her death killed her, knowing that a photograph of Diana dead would be worth more than a photo of Diana alive, and that all existing photos of Diana would greatly increase in value with her death. 6. A Black-Turbaned Ayatollah of Iran put out a fatwa against her and her boyfriend because she was a Christian woman fornicating with a Muslim man, in violation of the laws of the Koran. 7. God killed her to show the world what happens to a woman who commits adultery. See Deuteronomy 22:22 8. Diana killed herself and deserved to die because of her self-indulgent life style. 9. Her boyfriend's driver killed her. 10. One of her ex-lovers killed her because she would not give head. (Nobody has ever publicly stated whether Diana gives head or not.

 However, a woman who does not give head is clearly more likely to be killed by a frustrated lover than one who does.) 11. This was all part of a plot or conspiracy to kill her. The plan was that Diana alone would die. The plan went awry and the boyfriend and the driver were killed by accident. Sam Sloan.

 Sam, keep me out of it!

 Who Killed Princess DI? The Big Three Conspiracy Theories. Erica: There are three conspiracy theories, Londoners were talking and gossiping about. One of my colleagues at LondonNetNews came up with this scenario: 1.THEORY ONE: Faked Death. Plot: Fed up with the constant intrusions into her private life by the media, Diana, helped by the huge resources of Dodi, arranges a spectacular 'death' from which she can retreat into blissful isolation. One version of the theory claims that the crash was an attempt at a faked death that went horribly wrong. Evidence:  a. Bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones still lives, but testimony from Mercedes auto experts says that it would have been almost impossible for anyone to have survived a crash in the tunnel in a car going at 121 mph.

Maybe, as driver Henri Paul's lawyers claim, the car was not going that fast. Maybe the crash was faked by the army-trained Rees-Jones who had previously deposited Di and Dodi elsewhere. b. Dodi's usual driver was not used. Mystery still surrounds Henri Paul, the security officer who stepped in at the last minute to drive the Mercedes S-280. It took a full two days for his name to be revealed, for instance. Co-workers at the Ritz Hotel say he kept himself to himself and never socialised with them. One version of this conspiracy has it that Paul simply did not exist, another that he was quickly whisked away from the hospital after being declared dead by doctors in cahoots with the Al Fayed family. c. Just six hours before she died Di let slip to Daily Mail reporter Richard Kray that she was about to withdraw completely from public life. Likelihood: 2/10. Parts of it sound feasible but what about Di's two children? It is almost inconceivable that she would want to miss out on the rest of their lives. The chances of her coming back to see them without being noticed are surely slim, though plastic surgery permitting it might be prudent to look out for a similarly built 'nanny' appearing on the scene in the future. 2. THEORY TWO: MI6 Killed DI. Plot :Rogue elements in the British secret service decide that Di is a threat to the throne, and therefore the stability of the state. They take her out. Evidence:  a. Recent revelations have shown that there are rogue elements in the secret service who act as more or less autonomous cells. Some of these have been revealed to have a pretty strange view of what constitutes a threat to the state. For instance, they have files on John Lennon, current British Home Secretary (Interior Minister) Jack Straw and they once tried to destabilise the 1970s Labour government. It is not inconceivable that the same agents who believed Lennon was capable of leading revolution also believed Diana was capable of fomenting popular unrest. b. MI6 is suspected of bugging Diana throughout her years in the Royal limelight, and many believe they were behind the leaking of the 'Squidgygate' phone tapping tapes which damaged her image during the break up with Charles. c. Bodyguard Trevor Rees-Jones was a former member of the crack Parachute Regiment, one of the most toughest in the British army.

He also completed two stints in Northern Ireland and served in the Royal Military Police, just the kind of background that would have seen him come into contact with members of the secret service. Theorists cite the fact Rees-Jones survived the crash as evidence that he was in on the plot to snuff out the Diana threat. Likelihood: 3/10: Few doubt that the nutters at MI6 are capable of anything but surely even they would have had qualms about bumping off Diana, if only for the reason that her death might bring on the very things they most fear, the drift toward a republican state in the UK, as Charles loses still more popularity. 3. THEORY THREE: Target Dodi: Plot : Business enemies of Dodi and his father Mohammed Al Fayed assassinate Dodi, with the death of Di a magnificent cover for their operation. Evidence:  Al Fayed has not got to the top without making some serious enemies along the way. The owner of Harrods fought a bitter battle for the top London store some years ago and has also been denied British nationality after question marks were raised about his business practise. His activities have included under the counter payments to Conservative MPs. as his oldest son and heir, Dodi would be an obvious target for anyone wanting to settle a score with Al Fayed.

 Likelihood: 1/10. With Di involved, the police operation is likely to be one of the biggest in Paris history so any assassin would be taking one hell of a risk by cutting the break cable, say, of Dodi's car. Then again, the day of the Jackal is a Paris story. Howard O’Neal. London, United Kingdom.

Readers’ Choice. Dear Erica: One of the most appealing aspects of World Art Celebrities Journal is the freedom you give your readers to freely express their opinion; a noble commodity  and opportunity rarely given to readers. I am very fond of cabaret music. My taste is eclectic and demanding, meaning the personality of performers should be at the level of their performance. Great singers are usually great from within.

Julie Reyburn.

Their character and personality add to the quality of their performance. We like artists who are down to earth and humble. I read your magazine with joy and excitement because it is unbiased and comprehensive in all its news coverage and feature articles. Having said this, I would like to go one step further if I may and ask you to grant me the opportunity to express my opinion about a first class singers who are the personification of excellence in cabaret music. Some of them are not as famous as Bette Middler and Liza Minelli, however, their artistic quality and musical resonance match those of the best in the business. Among those quite and superior divas who are of a first class quality are:

Raven Snook.

Barbara Lea who has been highly acclaimed by the media. The New Yorker magazine wrote about Ms. Lea “Barbara Lea has no superior among popular singers. www.barbaralea.com .Julie Reyburn, always creative and unique on stage. She mixes comedy and drama with a lot of personal warmth. You did not include her name in the World Who’s Who of Best American Female Singers. What a shame. You should have. She is dynamite. Raven Snook. Terrific, brilliant all the way. Powerful stage presence and truly funny. I remember one of your articles on cabaret clearly explained that cabaret is a continuity of acts of different genres ranging from stand up coming to juggling, to dancing and singing, including drag queens acts. Well? Here she is. Raven Snook in person. She did it all. How come you never wrote about her? I would like to add two more if I may? You can always throw my letter in the trash if you do not agree with me but I think you are going to love it. Angela Edwards (Photo below). You missed Angela too. She was not on your list. What are you doing? Did you get a copy of her recent CD? Out of this world. Honestly, she is something. Write to her. Here is her email address angelaedwards@eudoramail.com. Otherwise listen to her music at her website  http://arrow_4.tripod.com/angel/angel.htm. The last diva is Susan Carlisle who is an English super duper singer. She sings in England at the best places and clubs. Her style is very rich and classy. She mixes all the great tunes of Dean Martin, Doris Day and latest trends in modern music. You can reach her at enquiries@spotonentertainment.co.uk . Gee I hope I did not take too much liberty in doing this. It would mean a lot to me if you print this. I appreciate what you are doing. Thanks for everything. Giles Hutherland, Bristol, UK.

Susan Carlisle.

Hi Erica: Publishing the article of Giles Hutherland was a nice gesture. Really classy on your part. In France, we call it “Le Beau Geste”. This is why we love you. With pleasure I will send you a half dozen of Champagne Dom Perignon. Tell me where to send the box and you will have it next week. I will make arrangements with DHL. Erica, I am a free-lance model. Not a nude model. A serious one. I pose for serious photographers. I research the subject before I accept any assignment or shooting session. I want to ask your opinion about what does appeal to you in the background or frame of a photo? I would like very much to know. Elaine Cassis, Isle St. Louis, Paris, France

 
How Can I Succeed in My Intimate Relationship and Romantic Love and Keep my Girlfriend? I am a Loving Person But My Anger gets in the Way… How to Control Anger and Hate in your Romantic Relationships. Dear Dr. Erica: I read so many books on romantic love, perfect relationship, romance, flirting and how to get a date. They were useful. I did not understand every thing I read but I learned enough to get by. I own a gas station in California. I see a lot of women every day. All kinds of women coming from everywhere, Las Vegas, Malibu, San Diego, Los Angles.

I saw one the last day and I introduced myself. She was nice and good looking. I asked her out and she said OK. We began to date. I go to her apartment and she comes to my home on the weekend. Everything was fine except when she drives me crazy. I am originally from Afghanistan but I grew up in California. I went to CSU at Fresno and got my degree in social studies. This is to tell you I know something about American women. Marjorie, that is her name, my girlfriend is terrific when she is understanding and quiet but when she gets upset or pissed of at her work, he comes nuts, crazy, very unpleasant. This upsets me a lot. We begin to argue and she gets more moody. I get upset too and sometime I raise my voice and get angry.

I love her to death but she makes me so angry. Now almost all the time. I don’t want to lose her. I love this girl. She means a lot to me. I don’t want to go to a shrink because I don’t believe in this stuff. Shrinks are nuts. They need shrinks themselves. Okay, I am asking you Erica, how can I control my anger without feeling that she is dominating me? I want to maintain this relationship and succeed in my romantic relationship with Marjorie…If I control my anger and she controls her moody behavior do you think we can work it out? You know sometimes, I hate her but I love her to death. Please be frank with me, don’t give me mumbo jumbo psychiatric or spiritual stuff, tell me as simple as possible what I have to do …something practical and not complicated. I do not believe in counseling, psychiatry bullshit and pastoral counseling. They don’t work. I don’t want to hear about crazy stuff like heal yourself, find God inside you, look into your heart, be one with nature and the Divine…I am from Afghanistan, don’t forget now, India is our neighbor. I am in the United States now… How Can I Succeed in My Intimate Relationship and Romantic Love and Keep my Girlfriend? I am a Loving Person But My Anger gets in the Way…I thank you. Imam, California, US

Imam, I think you are on the right track and willing to listen. Do you know why? Because you have honestly admitted to yourself that your anger is in the way. That is good Imam. It is good because you know what is the problem and because you are willing and ready to deal with it. Perfect! Remember, Imam, half of the solution is in accepting and realizing what is happening to you and what is causing it. In your case, “ANGER” is the problem. And this anger is causing problems. This anger is hurting your relationship with your girlfriend. Let’s first focus on it and see later on if we still need to understand what  is causing  and creating this anger in you.  By the same token, I am going to ask you to help me helping you. You can do that by putting aside (just for now) the ideas and opinions you have about “mumbo jumbo psychiatry”, “spiritual stuff” and “psychiatry bullshit”. I wish if you could just for now, forget all these ideas about counseling. Spiritual therapies and psychology. It will help. First of all, remember, I am not ”talking to you” as a counselor or a shrink. Who knows, maybe me too, I don’t believe in it!? I am just addressing the issue and trying to help you as a caring human being, an 83 year old woman who saw lots of things in her life. Very good Imam. You and me, know very well, that anger is destructive in any kind of relationships, business, artistic, intimate, political, in all sorts of relationships. My favorite thinker is Dr. Ladds who once said that most of us dislike certain kinds of people, maybe "prejudiced, redneck clods," maybe "rude, demanding, lazy people on welfare," maybe "critical, arrogant bosses or teachers." If we are lucky, we can avoid conflict situations. However, if all of us would learn to control our irritation, jealousy, resentment, violence, prejudice, anger, frustrations, hate, psychological putdowns, etc., wouldn't it be a much better world? Of course it would, but such goals seem so idealistic to many people, they think it is nonsense. People say "you can't change human nature." I think that instead of changing human nature, we should accept the idea that sometimes human nature is not pleasant, sweet and friendly.

 It happens to all of us. Sometime, the most caring and loving people get angry and because of their anger, they thoughts and deeds become irrational and possibly abusive and violent. Thanks God, you are not violent yet. You are optimistic and willing to control your anger. That is wonderful. Dr. Ladds explained to us that the angry pessimist, who believes there will always be hatred, anger and war, should note that the most primitive people on earth are gentle and loving. In the ancient Philippines and old Island of Aruba, the inhabitants had no word for war. How do they control their aggression? What is their system? asked Dr. Ladds. The entire tribe discourages mean, inconsiderate behavior and encourages cooperation from an early age. Everyone is expected to provide a good, loving model for the children. This non-aggressive culture was developed without modern education, without great scholars, psychologists (I know you dislike them), research and books, without powerful governments working for peace, and without any of the world's great religions. If that primitive tribe can learn to love and eliminate anger, why can't we? It may not be too difficult after all. The other bit of history I want to share with you is from Seneca, a Roman philosopher-educator, who served several Emperors until Nero executed him in 65 AD at age 61. He was an extraordinary person. Seneca wrote a book, De Ira (Of Anger), which has been summarized by Hans Toch (1983).

 In it Seneca proposed theories about aggression and self-help methods remarkably similar to the best we have today. It is humbling but it suggests that common anger problems may not be that hard to solve (we have been too busy waging war for the last 2000 years to work on reducing violence). Seneca said "hostile aggression" is to avenge an emotional injury. "Sadistic aggression," with practice, becomes habitual by frightening others and, in that way, reduces self-doubts (negative reinforcement).

He noted that anger is often an overkill because we attribute evil to the other person or because the other person has hit our psychological weak spot, lowering our self-esteem. Sounds just like current theories, right? What were his self-control techniques? (1) Avoid frustrating situations by noting where you got angry in the past. (2) Reduce your anger by taking time, focusing on other emotions (pleasure, shame, or fear), avoiding weapons of aggression, and attending to other matters. (3) Respond calmly to an aggressor with empathy or mild, unprovocative comments or with no response at all. (4) If angry, concentrate on the undesirable consequences of becoming aggressive. Tell yourself: "Why give them the satisfaction of knowing you are upset?" or "It isn't worth being mad over." (5) Reconsider the circumstances and try to understand the motives or viewpoint of the other person. (6) Train yourself to be empathic with others; be tolerant of human weakness; be forgiving (ask yourself if you haven't done something as bad); and follow the "great lesson of mankind: to do as we would be done by." Remarkable! Seneca was clear and detailed. He covered the behavioral, skills, unconscious and especially the cognitive-attitudinal aspects of self-help. He did no research; he merely observed life around him. Now, if we can add research to those ancient "clinical observations," we may be able to make more progress in the next 2000 years. By the way, Seneca also advocated child-rearing practices and humanistic education designed to build self-esteem, model non-aggressive responses, and reward constructive non-violent behavior. Sadly, an angry political leader killed him.