Aphrodite, Ares, and the Angry Husband

 The sexiest movies or television programs, or the explicit material we read about in books and magazines, do not even come close to the romantic escapades of the ancient Greek Gods. Here is a story Homer told in the Odyssey. Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, was the wife of Hephaestus, the god of fire and smithy crafts. He was kind, considerate, and intelligent, but lame and not very good looking. She had more than one affair, and in particular found Ares, the god of war, to be most attractive. Ares was cruel, not very smart, and certainly quite selfish, but he was extraordinarily handsome and strong. As usual in such situations, Hephaestus was the last to know, but Helios, the sun god, took pity on him and informed him about the affair.

 Hephaestus was furious, but did not want to accuse his wife without proof. So he forged a magic, invisible net made of chains that could not be broken. He set the net above the bed he shared with Aphrodite, and then told his wife he was leaving for Lenos, a place he liked and had business in. Soon after Hephaestus left, Ares came to visit Aphrodite. They went into the bedroom, and as they lay down on the bed the net fell upon them; they could not release themselves no matter what they did. Immediately Hephaestus entered the chamber – he never really set out to Lenos, but hid on the premises. Screaming with anguish and anger, he called to all the gods, including Zeus, Aphrodite’s father, to come and see how she had dishonored him. He lamented his shame and his sorrow for not being handsome enough for his wife, though it was not his fault, of course. He demanded that Zeus send back to him all his marriage gifts, which he had given Zeus in return for Aphrodite’s hand in marriage. His wife, he said, was beautiful, but had neither discretion nor character.  The lady goddesses did not come. They were too ashamed to look upon the couple and stayed in their homes. But the gods came and laughed loudly at the joke Hephaestus played on the couple. They jested among themselves, wondering if it would be worthwhile for them to sleep with Aphrodite for such a price. Only Poseidon, god of the sea, took the matter seriously, and asked Hephaestus to loosen the bonds so that Ares could pay him for the marriage gifts, since he was the guilty party, not Zeus. Hephaestus hesitated. “Require not this of me, Poseidon. What if Ares departs, avoiding the debt and the bond?”And Poseidon answered with great dignity. “Hephaestus, even if Ares avoids the debt and flees away, I myself will pay thee all.”

 Hephaestus could not refuse such a generous offer. He loosened the bonds, and the couple escaped hurriedly. Ares went to Thrace, possibly to avoid payment. Aphrodite went to her precinct, Paphos of Cyprus, where the Graces kept a fragrant altar for her. She was not much distressed by the unpleasant incident, and let the Graces anoint her with oils and dress her in lovely raiment, a wonder to see. She would have plenty more affairs, with gods and mortals alike.